Day 6

Lesson 24: It is in fact VERY easy to get a jew to go to church

But not just any church, no no. This is the church of the antichrist. The Church is this bar/club that's only open on sundays from noon-4. £9 gets you 3 beers of your choice in a plastic bag. I immediately tied the plastic bag to my belt loops. It was so beyond classy I couldn't even handle it. One of the very first things the MC said was "welcome, sinners." I knew this was the place for me. People come dressed in these ridiculous costumes--there were smurfs, slutty nuns, mario and luigi, and one of the best--santa claus, who had one of the greatest lines: "come sit on my lap." He actually wound up being a really nice guy.

This club basically was spring break in costume. Some girls would get on stage for drinking contests but in the end they would all be topless.....don't worry, I stayed on the floor, even though I know everyone in the entire place was basically dying to see me dominate the aussies in a dizzy bat competition (the mogul wasn't budging).

This church was also the venue of my first encounter with a stripper. The "woman's" face was jacked--huuuge jaw line and just generally fugly features. At first I thought it was going to be a tranny stripper, but was slightly disappointed when it had female parts (nothing against her, I just thought that a tranny stripper would be more sinister and thus more fitting for this place than just an ugly woman stripper). I'm still contemplating the possibility that she is post-op.

In conclusion, you can bet your ass I will be going back to this place, and next time I will be in FULL costume--I figure since I brought my Pocahontas boots, I might as well put them to use.

Lesson 25: There is nothing better than a donor kebab after an afternoon filled of Fosters, strippers, and smurfs

A block away from the church was this little kebab place. There are two things in this world that I cannot live without. Tums and tzatziki sauce. I downed about a gallon of both after we left the church. I just can't help myself when it comes to cheap lamb being carved off of those big spinning chunks of delicious animal, my mouth waters up and my stomach rumbles is preparation for the demolition of a sandwich.